the choice

photo (15)Ever do the “when this,then that” thing?

When I get into the college of my dreams, then I will well be on the track towards the career of my dreams.
When I find the “right” person to share my life with, then I will find happiness.
When I make $ ____, then I can enjoy life.

It’s a spinning ride that doesn’t stop.

I found this most true in the goals Craig and I created while in Laos. At first it was about getting the work visa, then finding the right home to live in, then the yoga space, then launching the business. There were some genuine matters that relied on time lines, but for the most part we accelerated our being there.

It wasn’t until we made the decision to leave, that we had the chance to look and see all those months lined up behind us. Where had the time gone?

Far from behaving as an isolated event, I can see similar patterns where I am now. When I finish my teaching job, then I will feel more creatively free. When the visa paperwork is done, then Craig and I can have a normal marriage again. When I make enough money, then I can relax.

Such bullshit.

A few weeks ago, Craig called his ninety-nine year old grandfather. Asking how he was feeling, Gramps shared: I’ve bloody overstayed my time.
I wondered how I’d feel at that age, if life just plain would wear me out. Craig wondered too. Was there grace left after so many years? Would you not appreciate one more sunrise or one more cup of coffee or one listen to a favorite song? he asked.

I held on to that. At ninety-nine or thirty-nine, there are no guarantees. I may have forty more years or forty more hours of being on this precious planet. It’s the showing up at this very moment that matters. So, I could participate in the creative learning of my students. I could love the marriage I have now. I could find moments of relaxation in my day-to-day activities.

Look back at a line of months spent anticipating life or living it? My choice.

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3 comments
  1. Anonymous said:

    We have only this present moment. And tomorrow is none of our business.

  2. I like the two words you ended your post with: My choice. Thank you for your thoughts and insights. :)

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