Let us shine

it happened again.

my words. they’ve strayed. they’ve gone back to being noncommital.

here’s how it went down. i met old school mates i had not seen since the 8th grade. we went around the table sharing pieces of 20 years gone by; you know, the usual: where you live, who you’re with, what you do.

when it came around for me to share that in 2 1/2 weeks we will be moving to Laos, doubt slithered in without invitation. this time it was dressed in humor.
um no, we don’t know where we will be staying…yet… just gonna show up with our lives in each suitcase, drop them, and declare: WE’VE ARRIVED.

there was some amused chuckles, a couple of polite subsequent questions, and then the conversation veered to more stable topics.

possibly, the whole thing is in my head. maybe i’ve exaggerated the response of others because still I am unsure of how to present this plan, this shift in our lives.

a very wise man i know has this to share about the vulnerability we feel when sharing a goal:

You are seeking self expression and not approval. This shift allows you to enter the space with (others) as a messenger rather than a child showing his completed homework. (This) changes the whole dynamic. You no longer need to convince them that this is the right move for you, but rather, you are simply explaining why it is necessary.

did i really need approval from the people around that dinner table? do i feel more comfortable in playing it small? can i find a way to nurture some self-confidence that will help propel my intentions forward?

the famous Marianne Williamson quote, Our Deepest Fear, seizes these notions with fierce grace and articulation.


shining comes in the form of thought, action, and word.

in every way…let us shine.

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7 comments
  1. Dina said:

    Christine,
    If I was sitting at that table with you I would have shown great interest and overwhelming excitement on your behalf.

    You are the author to your own life book, think of this next step as a choose your own adventure book (remember those). You have choices and that choice is yours, its true and its real, embrace your sense of adventure. Sit back, relax and enjoy the moment, life is an amazing gift that is presented to each individual and its yours to explore.
    Hugs,
    Dina

  2. Dina…thank you so much for your unrelenting support through all this. Makes a huge difference to have cheerleaders, especially family. You are right. This IS amazing! Can’t let fear and uncertainty taint what’s happening or else I will let this adventure pass me by without gratitude. Thank you for the reminder.

  3. Haeyoung said:

    Christine,
    You inspire me! I’m so tired of living whether I can fit in or worrying about what other people are thinking of whatever I’m doing or saying. And, fear of uncertainty for next year… I want to live my life and want to be who I am. This huge fear that I’m living with, I do not want it any more! Yes, it is so hard not to be fearful of everything what I have to do because I lived with that huge fear for all my life. I have to remind myself everyday that everything will work out. Reading your blog helps me a little less fearful :) I want to enjoy my life not constantly worry about it. Thank you for your inspirational thoughts.

  4. Sheree said:

    Christine, I rarely follow links to blogs but your title caught my eye. As someone who has stepped out of my comfort zone more than once I want to encourage you that beyond the fear and unknown their may be frustrations but also the most delightful sense of achievement. Follow your dreams…

  5. Thank you, Sheree. It is people like you and Stu who inspire us. Nice to know we are supported.

  6. Haeyoung, what you have shared is so important. How many of us live with fear that paralyzes us from living life to full fruition. It’s a human practice to learn to shed it and be our true selves. I am glad that the blog has helped in some way. You’re honesty and courage have a trickle effect on others…I am sure of that. Big hugs.

  7. I can relate. You become hypersensitive to people`s reactions even when you don`t think you want their approval, you kinda do.

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