I WAS HERE

i helped a very good friend pack up her house today. as she determined what was either going into the Salvation Army or U Haul truck, i found myself lost in small moments of grieving. these were not my things nor my dramatic reality shift. yet, i marveled at how life can be sorted into “what goes” and “what stays”; how shared items reflect a time that once was and no longer is.

the walls have hidden stories of my friend’s family and those families before hers. the grooves on the hardwood floors mark the footsteps of her child as she grew into her precious four years. that kitchen whispers countless secrets shared over delicious recipes. the arches at the door’s entrance will welcome new owners tomorrow just as they have done for years.

in my life, i’ve packed up my own home at least a dozen times. no matter how often pictures are taken off their hooks and boxes taped up, i can’t get used to the sadness of an emptied space. all of the sudden, it feels like i was never there.

what is that?

this need to feel permanent. to have left a mark…an “I WAS HERE” note etched in nooks to be discovered down the line. there is a fear that without proof, my story will fade. hence, the reason for countless photographs in boxes, the carting of old journals and yearbooks sitting in decades of dust.

this is attachment. this is ego. this is human.

i know that holding onto things, wanting them to remain unchanged is unrealistic. what’s more, it’s painful.

i suppose this is my life’s lesson.

let’s hope i’ve learned it better by the next move.

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5 comments
  1. tina said:

    Oh, I feel yout sadness;((

    I don’t move that often which does tell a story in itself. I like my safe surroundings and am far too hung up on my things, belongings and sentimentals.

    We all have life lessons to learn. This might be your obe;))

  2. thanks, Tina. the older i get the more i appreciate the safety of places i feel comfortable in. completely understand what you’re saying. again, thanks for your thoughts which are always nice to read here.

  3. I feel the same way when I leave a place, but because it feels like time passed so quickly,

  4. It’s true…leaving a place is a marker of time. It goes by really quickly. Hope you’re well, Ayngelina.

  5. Holly said:

    I so understand this. I haven’t moved as many times as you… this will be my fourth time and it doesn’t really feel like it gets easier. Even though we were in our space here for only two years and we don’t really like the area and we are moving somewhere we LOVE … I’m still finding it sad to leave this place. Strange eh?

    Nice to read your thoughts here :) Big hugs to you Xx.

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