The 10

been quiet ’round here. am having a hard time finding time to nurture this blog at times. so here’s a quick and dirty list of 10 spanning several months.

1. buddy has a new home. it’s acres and acres of lush land where he runs around in mud, torments chickens, and responds to commands in French. lucky dog. (post pending)

2. we’ve run a couple of yoga retreats in a piece of paradise nearby. i love that this is part of our lives.

3. the yoga studio feels more and more like a second home here. recently, a friend of ours who left his temple just months ago helped us clean and arrange the Buddhist altar that had been there for many years.

4. i signed my first contract regarding the design of a commercial space, a hotel. it feels humungous but i am so grateful for the opportunity and excited to pieces about it.

5. we’ve moved into a new place. receiving our 36 boxes from Korea was overwhelming but i love how our things make the space feel like home.

6. quite unexpectedly, i’ve become a co founder of a start up company that focuses on e interior design. launch is set for June. it’s called decorilla. thank you, jen bogart for connecting me.

7. luang prabang has bloomed in the most stunning way. i marvel at the tangerine orange blossoms that line the mekong and the brilliant yellow ones that hang like golden grapes. beautiful.

8. going home in a month and a half. am ready to be replenished by family, friends, and the familiar.

9. ashtanga yoga teacher, David Robson, has agreed to give a 2 week workshop at Mekong Yoga in January. we are so excited.
10. am collaborating with World Volunteer on an eco bungalow project to encourage tourism and revenue to a small village 30 min. outside of Luang Prabang. the number of children in this village is significant. i want to help.

what nowhere looks like

i am ovulating as i type.

how do i know?
i know because the ovulation monitor scale is on the highest of three bars with an egg symbol that always has looked like a martini olive to me.
i know because there’s a pinch in my left ovary- a pain called mittelschmerz.
i know because my body is telling me in ways you may not want to read about here.

this feeling is familiar. i’ve been hyper aware of it for about five years now. before that, i didn’t notice that my temperature increased 0.4 to 1.0 degrees or that i got a couple of pimples at that time. it was of no concern. i went through 28 days running into another 28 days and then another without looking at the calendar.

i miss that sometimes.
let’s be honest: all the time.

craig and i have just had another emotional conversation about this. the topic is tired. WE are tired. there is more urgency, less patience, and zero joy regarding The Matter.

folks outside this dilemma have solutions…many solutions. the clarity for us, however, is hazed and like standing in thick fog on the brink of uncharted territory, our next steps are hesitant.

where does this leave us ?
nowhere at the moment.

nowhere looks like this:
cramped. stuffy. dim. tall walls dressed in baby announcements and fb updates and fertility chatrooms and unfilled adoption papers with a chendelier of question marks hanging above.

it sucks. we hate it.
and that’s just the God’s honest truth.

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letting some balls drop

eleven months ago i left my “conventional” job. i lived on a school calendar. if anything, it was predictable.

7:30 punch in-3:30 punch out. meetings on mondays. report cards quarterly. fall break, winter break, spring and summer breaks for travel. repeat.

all in all, a straight forward schedule.

since exiting this as a full-time position, i wondered how i would fill my time. my early months in luang prabang felt like an extenion of a holiday. i’d happliy strap on my backpack to discover a new internet location, order a cafe latte and pain au chocolat while drifting in and out of websites and blogs. i wrote a lot and felt inspired by the rain, the robed monks, the pace of life here.

it didn’t take long for reality to knock me upside the head. this wasn’t an extended holiday; not a sabbatical. it was a change of life. while my surroundings changed, my needs didn’t.

i needed work. i needed to be able to pay for daily things without seeing my savings dwindle. i needed to feel some sort of security and productivity.

what has resulted months later has been a crash course into freelancing and creative entrepreneurial-ism . for years i had been craving freedom to explore other skills. i ached to wiggle out of the confines of schedules; i wanted to be my own boss.

little by little, opportunities have revealed themselves and i currently find myself juggling about eight projects. yes, eight. some are in writing, some design, some in education. and while i have struggled with how to prioritize and create my own schedule, i am finding joy in the expansion of myself.

it won’t last though. the switching from one mode to another. plus, i juggle poorly. i know that maintaining space for my marriage, my family, and myself is extremely crucial to my happiness. some balls will have to drop and that’s ok. for now, i am grateful to see them all circling in the air.

when doing more makes sense

lately, i’ve been doing more. much more.

dreaming. sharing. juggling. sweating. exchanging. writing. asking. sweeping. mopping. hugging. releasing. creating. praying. watching. brainstorming. hoping. marveling. working. appreciating. thinking.

tired? yes.

but, happy.

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the space

We’ve been busy.

A little while before Craig went to India and I to New Zealand, we signed a lease for the yoga space. There was apprehension and wonder throughout the decision making process. But, in the end, we decided to go for it. Opportunity was dangling keys before us and we just could not ignore her.

What followed were plans. The space itself, is special. We had been calling it the Ban Aphai house and it already had seen yoga and Pilates practitioners for some time. Hidden behind trees ( a frangipani included), it sits on temple grounds, Wat Aphai.

Students who practice there have shared that there is a special energy and quality to the space. Floor to ceiling wood, it has breathed, stretched and shifted with time and nature’s elements. The cracks where outside’s light seeps in, the dust collected on old photos of monks hanging on the walls all add to a sense of reverence there. From a yoga pose one gets a glimpse of the shiny, golden stupa on top of Phousi Hill through the open window. Stepping out of class onto the temple grounds helps maintain the Prana created in class.

Recently, the house has had a few renovations. The space has been expanded to comfortably hold 20+ students. Lighting has been arranged for added ambiance. Other facilities will be improved such as the restroom and a proper changing space. Completion of renovations are estimated for April/May. We are excited to welcome all and continue to share this space with the Luang Prabang Yoga community and those visiting.

It is strange to think what we envisioned two years ago exists now. Welcome Mekong Yoga. (website ready soon)

the beauty in bragging

i’m not a bragger.

i grew up being taught that humility is a virtuous quality, that pride is unbecoming, and that nobody likes a bragger.

certainly, having someone flaunt their successes in your face when you’re having a crappy day is not a good feeling. the prattling off of accomplishments and possessions can be just yucky when it is done to puff up in superiority.

on a recent post, seth godin offers an explanation of bragging and feeling small in relation to art:

“To make us feel small in the right way is a function of art; men can only make us feel small in the wrong way.” E. M. Forster

The small feeling produced by art comes from dancing with our muse and allowing our inspiration to take us somewhere the resistance would rather avoid. We feel small in the face of magic and connection. Feeling small gives us the guts to create something bigger, bigger than ourselves, the art of human connection and the gift of generosity.

On the other hand, the critic who seeks to beef himself up at our expense diminishes no one but himself.

but, not all sharing of good things is done to make others feel small. sometimes, scooting modesty aside is a positive thing:
it can inspire others, letting them know what’s possible.
it can be the source of celebration-and who doesn’t like to celebrate?
it can simply be a part of the human experience to want to express joy.

many of us, it seems, need permission to share our greatness or the great things that happen to us. that’s why facebook has been somewhat controversial in this sense. how often do you open that page up and after seeing one incredible status after another, feel just a little bit like your life is lacking? it’s that whole age of comparison thing where such forums lend to feeding our insecurities about ourselves.

yet, if we step back a bit from that virtual realm, we can see that the reality of life is not all vacation trips, baby announcements, and going to see the BEST CONCERT EVER! we know this. life is a mixed bag. facebook is just a place where we can pick what we want out of that bag and do an adult version of show-n-tell.

focusing on what’s abundant and lovely and fun in our lives, can only call forth more of that.

here, let’s practice.
in this little post of this little blog (see, i’m doing it again), you are free to share what is great in your life. be anonymous if you want. it doesn’t matter. what will happen is this: the glow of one comment will ignite that of another and another, and before you know it, we’re all sharing in a gorgeous fire of goodness. (warning: when listing what’s not wrong in our lives, a feeling of gratitude has a tendency to ensue).

like i said, i am not a bragger. you can see it in my body language. i squirm when i get a compliment. i struggle to look someone in the eye when i am sharing something cool about my life. i often downplay via a slouched posture or shoulder shrugging. this does not come naturally to me. but, to counter my propensity to compare myself to others, counting my blessings is a practice i want to make, so here goes:

people often low ball my age by at least five years. i’ve several colorfully stamped passports in my possession. i use all my senses daily; i am healthy. my parents show love for each other, even after 37 years. my high school experience was not something i want to forget-it was amazing. my life is full of options. i am supported and loved by a wonderful man. i have friendships that have seen me when i had a bowl cut and wore bolo ties (thanks, friends). i have the best.sister.ever. my future is tingling with life.

is there anything there you resonate with? do we connect somehow in our experiences? does anything inspire you in any way?
don’t be shy.
go ahead, brag.

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where are you?

At this moment, there is an unusual stillness while standing in the Wellington hills.

In these seconds, a plane glides over the bay, picture perfect with white sails and glimmering ripples below.

Here, the pebbled path announces my steps-slow and steady, careful and calm.

Presently, I have 10.6 kilos of love strapped to me in a carrier, her big almond-shaped eyes questioning

and smiling

and trusting.

Her weight and warmth accentuate my presence. Her safe-keeping and joy make me feel the now more than normal.

I am here.

I love that.

{Inspired by my precious niece and the print below. If you’re interested in hanging this mantra, please go to Somebody’s Home for a chance to win my 1st giveaway.}